Has Fear Been Holding You Captive?

How Would You Behave If You Were Invincible? 

Recently, when the number 50 loomed closely on my horizon, I questioned what the new decade meant to me; though, just between you and me, I’m not sure I really worried in the way many of my friends had. It might have stayed off my radar entirely had it not been for the nuanced subtext in the avalanche of articles I started noticing promising “Fifty is Fabulous”.

Their insinuation was that to be fabulous at fifty, I needed to check off a laundry list of items that were more likely to be found in Hollywood than in my neck of the woods. Something that left me feeling depleted, rather than helping me get my fill of fabulous.

Don’t get me wrong, I put on a brave face. In fact, despite what I had been unintentionally led to believe what I lacked, I actually embraced being 50. And for all the gals who are now a part of the 50++ club, I know you have unconsciously sung a high hallelujah in your mind's eye, because we all know that something magical actually happens when we cross that line somewhere from our late 40s into our 50s.

Personally, I think it’s a bit of compensation from decades of everything from cramps to hot flashes and a lot more in between. That magic I speak of? It’s starting to genuinely not care what other people think.

Being Brave Often Comes From Revelations

Many of the friends, acquaintances, and women I have spoken to in my coaching practice have confirmed that they, too, noticed that their intolerance for outside opinions grew in direct proportion to the tolerance they showed themselves. It’s a liberating experience to realize that you’ve given yourself the key to unlock the prison of other’s opinions and expectations. What’s even more enlightening at this age? That we knew all along that everyone’s preoccupation with themselves prevented them from giving us too much thought to begin with. And when they did? It was fleeting or merely a distraction for them to deal with their own lives. If they spoke unkindly, our lives were simply better from their purview, so the best they could do was to throw shade in our direction. A-ha!

What More Can You Do With This New Found Bravery?

In the summer before my 55th birthday, my ex wordlessly walked out. Without a doubt, it was a gift from my Highest Good, though the timing was unfortunate. Eight months later, the world shut down into a full pandemic; where I had just been left to figure everything out on my own, my options now shrank even more around me.

But as the Universe would so often have it when we allow ourselves to be receptive, when one door closes another opens often with wonderful opportunity. The caveat? Having faith in ourselves and the Universe.

During that time, many of the teachers and mentors that I previously followed brought even more wisdom, which led me to other mentors that helped shape my thoughts during that pivotal time. That also helped change the direction my life ultimately took, and what has become my life’s purpose.

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer

By shifting how I viewed my circumstances, and naturally there were moments and days that were less than stellar, my world around me changed. Were there fields of lollipops and unicorns? No, of course not. Though I will tell you, things started progressing in ways that defied my understanding. A grateful heart has no limitations.

Being brave in your 50s is not a one-size fits all approach. Though there is a commonality that is simply freeing yourself from the emotional restraints that have kept you stuck, kept your light dimmed to an ‘appropriate wattage’, or have kept you continuing to play it safe. Consider the litmus test of “I should versus I want to and/or I choose to”, as the ‘should’s’ are for the benefit or happiness of others.

Imagine what would happen if your expectation was to create towards the highest good of your best self? I imagine that’s what being brave in our 50s and beyond is all about.